Double Dog Dare! -- Chapter 40
Catherine

There was a large gathering in the garden of The Burrow.

The many guests were milling about pleasantly, content to graze like ruminants from the many self-warming tapas plates Molly had set out to float around from guest to guest.

Several interesting conversations could be overheard. Conversations like this one:

"'Pyroflatulus'? A good choice, but I would have gone with the Chromatic Flames of Embarrassment, myself. It's a very pretty effect."

"Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Hooks, but I don't know that one yet. I didn't even know I was a freaking wizard until a few days ago, remember? And besides, it was the wrong stupid spell to use, anyway."

A chuckle came from the first speaker.

"Ah, but it turned out to be the right one in the end, if you'll pardon the pun. It got my dead spirit out of durance vile and on its way back to the land of the bean and the cod. And as for your current lack of spell knowledge -- be assured that we'll be working to correct that, lad. And there are more tricks to the Staves that I must show you."

"Thanks. If nothing else, it'll tick off Mom and Dad."

"Indeed. Irritating one's parents is always a good thing, especially when they're so hidebound they could use a good irritating."

And, over in the corner:

"Well, he turned out to be a credit to the Weasley bloodline, after all, didn't he, bro'?"

"Yes, yes, he did. Singeing You-Know-Who's bum -- only a true Weasley could do that and live. And he now has a cool artifact to use."

"Yeah, but he'll still want a regular wand for everyday use. He can't go around all the time with that bat on his shoulder."

A significant pause ensued.

"Think we could interest him in one of our wands?"

A low, evil laugh ensued.

"It's worth a try, isn't it?"

Meanwhile, by Molly's rose bushes:

"You should burn that tatty old robe. You looked better as pasta, Dogboy."

"Nice to know you still love me, Viv. Here, Fidelis -- try a little of this stuffed-mushroom cap. It's quite good."

"Stop trying to poison my dog, Black."

"Shut yer gob, Snivellus. Fidelis is my friend as much as he is your dog."

"Language, Black. Your mother would be horrified to hear that locution coming from your mouth."

"Which is exactly why I'm using it."

"Riiifffff!"

And over by the garden rake:

"This is all so strange, Mr. Deutschendorf. My darling baby boy, a w- w- wizard! What will happen to him? What will happen to us?!"

"You need not fear on either score, Mrs. McCarthy. Benjamin Banneker Hooks is the best tutor a young wizard like Jason could have. He'll soon have Jason ready to enroll at Salem by this fall, depend on it. I would enjoy seeing him at Hogwarts, but the Ministry is very strict about foreign admissions."

But the most interesting tableau was presented by three women of middle years, flipping through the pages of a magazine, pointing and snickering at its contents:

"Look at how small it is! I'm amazed he had the stones to show it off like this."

"Stones? He has stones? Not in that photograph, he doesn't."

This set off a series of womanly cackling. (Arthur Weasley watched the women from a safe distance, and was fervently thankful that he had partially transfigured his face and hair, and used a fake name, before he posed for those nude pictures in Diamond Studs lo these many years ago.)

---ooo000ooo---

The next morning saw a series of goodbyes.

The Hogwarts staffers, along with Sirius Black, chose to depart as a group, with Mafalda Hopkirk accompanying them. After a few last chuckles at Tom Riddle's expense, the group Apparated for home, or at least for Hogsmeade, from which point they could walk to the castle.

The McCarthys also chose this time to leave, though, being mostly Muggles, Apparition was out of the question. Instead, Molly and Arthur went into Arthur's garage, pulled out a bonnet release catch from Arthur's collection of miscellaneous Morris Minor parts, and turned it into a Portkey.

"We'll miss you!" said Molly, fighting back the sniffles. "Well... some of you, anyway," she said, directing a stern glance at Jeremy, who hid behind his mother.

"Wait! Wait!"

Twin pairs of feet stormed down the steps from the upstairs bedrooms.

"We've got something for you, Jason!" cried Fred -- or was it George?

"Yeah," said George -- or was it Fred? "We figured you'll need a wand for everyday use, so we came up with this."

He handed Jason a small, long box.

"Give it a try when you get home, and let us know how you like it."

"Thanks, guys," said Jason, who had already started opening up the box.

"Wait! Not now --" But it was too late, for Jason had the lid off. Black smoke started billowing out therefrom. Black, stinky smoke. By the time it settled, everything and everyone in The Burrow was covered to a depth of one inch in black, grimy soot. It even hung in the air, lending a sepia tone to everything.

"Fred! George! Clean this up IMMEDIATELY!" coughed an angry black mound that sounded an awful lot like Molly Weasley.

"Damn it," whined Jeremy. "How come Jason gets all the cool shit?"

"Watch your mouth, young man!" Mr. McCarthy mumbled through mouthfuls of ash.

"Make me," said Jeremy, smirking underneath his own ash layer.

"Why, you --" Mr. McCarthy started to say, but stopped as Jason waved a soot-coated hand.

"Allow me, Dad," he said airily, pulling out the United Staves from his rucksack. He pointed the Staves at his brother, and shouted, at the top of his lungs, "Quietus!"

The bow wave of the spell was itself invisible, but when it slammed into Jeremy it hit him so hard that it knocked all the ash off him. He staggered back a step or two, opened his mouth to say something -- and turned dead white when no sound was forthcoming.

"I've been wanting to do that for years," Jason confided to everyone present.

"Hmmmm," said Mr. McCarthy consideringly, as he tried to strike an appropriately-thoughtful pose. (A difficult task, when covered in fly ash.) "Maybe this magic business isn't so bad, after all."

~the end~