Dear Hermione,

I would like to be able to say that Miss Patil has faded into the faceless mass of empty headed female students who have passed through the doors of my classroom over the years. Unfortunately, both she and her companion, Miss Brown, have forever imprinted themselves on my memory by infliciting experiences upon me that, even now, I shudder to remember.

My desire to renew my acquaintance with Miss Patil - especially in a context that validates her particular brand of vacuous inanity - is extremely low.

I fail to see why I should be concerned with what appears to be a somewhat straightforward, if appallingly punctuated, business proposition to yourself. Whether or not you ally yourself commercially with this - publication - must be a matter for you - I was not aware that my thoughts were relevant in any way.

Severus.

**********

Dear Parvati,

What a suprise to hear from you after all this time. I do remember that you wanted to go into fashion. Congratulations on getting what you wanted and congratulations as well on becoming the editor of Ms Magic Magazine. I've seen it on sale just about everywhere I've been.

I don't know what to say to your offer about making those cosmetics again. I'll be honest and say that I haven't really given them much thought since leaving school. I don't get as much free time as a lecturer as people often think, you know.

I know you want an answer as soon as possible, but it's not quite that simple. You probably didn't realise it at the time, but I didn't make them entirely on my own - I had some help from someone else. My partner actually came up with a lot of the ideas for what we made, so I really need to get in touch and see what the position is. I wouldn't feel happy using someone else's work without their permission - I think you must remember me well enough to understand that!

Also I'm out of practice in making that sort of thing now, and if I agree I want to be certain that I've got everything right. Again, I'm sure that doesn't surprise you!

I know you're anxious for a reply, but I really do have to wait to hear from my partner and then I'd like some time to think about it.

How soon do you need a reply?

Yours sincerely,

Hermione Granger.

**********

Dear Severus,

I thought I made myself clear in my last letter - I didn't exactly make those cosmetics alone. In fact, for the majority of the time I didn't make them at all. If I do accept this offer, at the very least I'm going to need to check some of the exact compositions with you. I haven't kept up with making the ones that I don't regularly use, and I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of the recipes.

What I haven't forgotten is that the money you made went into my Gringott's vault, not yours. I don't intend to profit at your expense a second time. I know you'll say that's very Gryffindor of me, but in this case I'll treat that as a compliment.

So, yes, your thoughts are very relevant to this.

Best wishes,

Hermione.

P.S. I'd forgotten that Parvati and Lavender waxed your legs. Was it really that traumatic?

**********

Hermione, dearest!

I've just been biting my nails waiting for your reply!

Still the same old Hermie I see! Worrying about getting every little thing just absolutely right and perfect! That's why I just know that this project would go so well with us working together - your attention to detail and my grasp of the bigger picture!

And what's this about a partner? We all thought it was just you, because we all knew how much you liked doing extra work for no reason! Although, I admit you did have the sense to get paid for it that one time! And who is this mysterious partner? Actually, I bet I can guess!

It was Ron and Harry wasn't it?! I'm right aren't I??!! After all, they were really the only people you hung about with weren't they? I expect the boys didn't want people to think they were girly - it would have really spoiled their macho Quidditch images to be seen messing about with face creams! It wouldn't have looked that great when they made their applications to be Aurors either!

Well, you can tell them that their secret's safe with me! And if they don't want it to be safe, then we can maybe do something with marketing! Triple M and Harry Potter! It would be amazing!

Don't worry about a thing, Hermie! If you come in on this you can pick your team - and you have my personal guarantee on that! Tell "your partner (!!!)" that they're welcome aboard and that I just can't wait to get started on this!

Got a board meeting on the fifth, so I really want to have something to show to them. If I don't make the deadline the project may need to be shelved indefinitely, so I'm reaching out to you here, Hermie! Tell me you're in!

Waiting to hear from you!

Parvati.

**********

Dear Hermione,

I am not yet so senile that I have forgotten the small manufacturing enterprise that took place in your final year at school. Still less do I need to be reminded of it twice.

I also refuse to believe that you do not remember every single detail of the processes employed. If this is, in fact, so, then I need to immediately inform Professor McGonagall that her beloved former star pupil has suffered her first recorded memory lapse, thus shattering that lady's unshakeable belief in your academic infallibility. I need not add that imparting these tidings will give me no small amount of personal satisfaction.

If you intend to proceed with this arrangement with Miss Patil - and if you propose to pester me with technical queries - then I suppose that I might be prepared to take on some form of consultancy role. I stress that this is purely to ensure that those parts of the process that were developed by myself are accurately reproduced. I have no intention of becoming the wizarding world's second Gilderoy Lockhart.

For future reference, I would prefer not to enter into any discussion of my personal grooming experiences at the hands of Misses Patil and Brown.

Severus.

**********

Dear Severus,

I'm very happy to hear that, if I decide to go ahead, you're prepared to take on a consultancy role. You'll be even happier to hear that Parvati has promised me that I can "pick my own team" and moreover, that my "partner" is welcome aboard. Mind you, I think I should warn you that she thinks that "partner" is another word for "Harry and Ron". Do you wish me to enlighten her?

I've thought about this quite a bit, and I think that I'd like to accept her offer. I haven't done any serious potion brewing for a while, and it would make a nice change from trying to explain to people why the fact that you can fix it afterwards doesn't make it right to break it in the first place.

What sort of input do you see yourself having in this? I don't think you need worry about becoming the next GL. The first one wasn't exactly a howling success.

Best,

Hermione.

P.S. I didn't enclose Parvati's letter this time. I thought it wasn't fair to the owl to make it carry the extra weight of all those exclamation marks.

**********

Dear Hermione,

Words cannot express my joy at the prospect of being part of any team that involves women's fashions and mistaken identity. Soon we shall be able to conduct a French Farce.

I have been considering my role in this putative project further. If, as seems likely, I shall be called upon to answer frequent questions regarding method and materials it would seem more sensible for me to be fully involved. The most efficient way of achieving this is some kind of joint venture.

Assuming this is acceptable to you, it follows that it will be necessary to disclose my identity to Miss Patil. I refuse to leave it to two Gryffindors to conduct commercial negotiations that will have a direct impact on myself.

I also suggest that we devise a plausible explanation for my involvement in the first place. I suspect that Miss Patil is not ready to hear the truth and I am certainly not ready for her to know it.

I commend you for your concern for owl welfare. My own nerves are grateful to be a collateral beneficiary.

Severus.

**********

Dear Parvati,

I have now heard back from my partner.

You will be happy to know that we are interested in taking part in your project. Perhaps you could suggest a date to meet up and discuss the details.

Yours sincerely,

Hermione

P.S. It's not a big issue, but I don't think that anyone calls me Hermie. I don't really see myself as a "Hermie" sort of person.

**********

Darling!

What fabulous news!! I can't wait to take this to the board! I don't suppose you have any samples that I could have - just to show them what they're getting! Owl me what you can a.s.a.p!! Triple M will pay!

Why don't we meet after the board meeting - say 2.30 p.m. on 5th? My offices? I'd say let's do lunch, but these meetings will run on! You can't imagine how tedious it is sometimes! And they say this job is all about glamour!

I can't tell you how excited I am about this!

See you on 5th! Just come to the front desk and tell them you're there to see me!

Parvati

**********

Dear Severus,

Of course it's "acceptable" to me to be involved in a joint venture with you. And thank you for your kind offer of help, both with the manufacture and the commercial negotiations - I know there was a kind offer of help in there somewhere.

I've heard back from Parvati. She wants to meet with us on 5th December at her offices to discuss things. Will that be convenient for you?

I haven't actually told her that my partner is you. I couldn't quite work out a good way of putting it down on paper. So I thought that maybe we could meet up before the meeting and decide what exactly we are going to tell her.

Best wishes,

Hermione

P.S. Naturally, I know that you won't get any pleasure out of the look on Parvati's face when you walk into her office without warning. Let alone any sense of revenge.