A Note From Riley


I'm not sure if this is better characterized as an economy-sized Author's Note, or an open letter from writer to readers; either way, I do ask that you all ****PLEASE**** read this before going on, and especially before emailing me, as it is intended to answer some "frequently asked questions."


The situation is this: in the last few months I have received enough conflicting feedback on Pawn to Queen to give Kafka emotional vertigo. I suppose I should be grateful, given the number of writers who complain that they find it hard to continue when no one reviews their stories, that I have such, ah, prolific readers. Unfortunately, however, none of my readers agree with each other. I think many if not most of you can appreciate how this could leave a writer feeling more than a little paralyzed. I know that whatever I do next with this story, I'm all too likely to have someone out for my blood.

For a professional writer, this might actually be a good thing--- a sign that it's possible to go full-time, quit the old dayjob and support herself on her writing. She knows, or at least can hope, that if she can weather the short-term emotional and physical exhaustion of dealing with a full-time dayjob, a full inbox of fiction-correspondence, and full-scale writing output, she has a chance of actually getting some of the pressure taken off--- the pressure of that full-time dayjob, the pressure of not knowing if her ideas will reach the public and find receptive minds.

For any ficwriter getting this sheer quantity of feedback on a work-in-progress, it's exactly the opposite; there is no hope for a long-term relief: we cannot accept material compensation for fic, and even those of us working in the direction of original writing and publication have to be extremely circumspect about letting the connections between our noms de plume and noms du 'Net, as it were, become known, lest Warner Bros. or some other copyright holder wind up with the rights to our every thought as a result of copyright issues. So we find ourselves trying to keep up with a professional writer's level of "fanmail"--- without hope of turning pro and supporting ourselves (thereby freeing up the time otherwise spent on dayjobs and the like) with the writing.

I'm not playing around about the time-constraints issue here, either. There have been points at which I was spending over 40 hours a week answering email--- as much time as I spend at my dayjob. This took a severe toll on my health, and as of February I have been on hiatus in order to get my various health problems, and the resulting financial problems due to doctors' bills etc. under control. I posted a notice on ff.net (the only archive site over which I have direct control) alluding to the situation and asking for a moratorium on email for a while. The combination of physical/material problems and the deeper sense of artistic vertigo based on the extreme disagreement among my readers has left me in need of what the artist Jacob Lawrence called "a retreat, not in the sense of defeat... but of renewal." I needed, and still need, some time for renewal, both of my health and of my creative energies.

Unfortunately, some people didn't get the message, or didn't think my request worth honoring, and I'm still getting deluged with emails, mostly nagging me to post more of the story. I'll be honest, this sort of behavior, rather than encouraging me to post, is inspiring me to take the damn thing down entirely, maybe posting in its place a "Roll of Dishonor" listing all of the people who've nagged and pestered me, with special prominence for those who stated outright that they saw the message on ff.net but thought it was high time I got back to work again--- it had been as much as a month, after all, and who did I think I was not spending every moment of fic? (No joke, I've gotten these, and they make me even more ill than I already am.)

However, I have gotten some very lovely, touching, and kind emails from folks expressing their support for my RL problems, and also saying how much Pawn To Queen, and especially the struggles of the young women (Hermione, Blaise, and Claudia) has helped them and inspired them. It's for these wonderful people that I'm attempting a compromise.

And here be the compromise. Despite my health, and in the few blessed intervals when my inbox wasn't too insane, I've managed to put together some assorted chapter-snippets and a rough outline for the next 70+ chapters. My archivists have been kind enough to post the outline with links to each of the chapters.

I cannot emphasize strongly enough that most of said chapters are works-in-progress. They have not been beta'd and many are unfinished or rough-drafted. I am posting them for the enjoyment of those who just want more of the story--- not to encourage another 40hrs/week round of commentary, much less to encourage the typo police (another of the banes of my ficwriterly existence, as I only galley-proof, i.e., do exhaustive line-by-line edits for punctuation and spelling, in return for royalties. If this bothers you, go read someone with stricter standards, though I warn you that you'll have a hard time finding them in fandom, and even in published writing.) Enjoy, bear in mind that these are rough-outs, not finished copies; take the chance, if you like, to see this as a wee little window into the creative process, to poke around in a writer's head a bit, rather than looking for a finished product. And by all means, if spoilers annoy you, don't even read the outline!

But don't email me asking for updates, either. This is all I can manage at the moment, and I really am in need of that retreat-in-the-sense-of-renewal. I don't know when I'll have the physical and mental stamina to resume the story beyond this point. Right now I'm hoarding my energy reserves, trying to get my health under control, and writing what I can when I can. And endeavoring to follow Walt Whitman's sound advice: "Reevaluate everything you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul." Ultimately, that may be the first task of the creative person, and I find I need some time for that reevaluation as well. Please, give me that time. I love hearing from people who want to share a deep personal or philosophical reaction to my work, but the bulk of my free time (i.e., writing-time), alas, seems to be spent in answering one-line update requests. Well, you have your answer here, and emailing me will only slow the process down.

That said, follow the link for the outline.

 


Last updated: 7 August 2002 by Hecate
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