Chapter 13: Important Decisions

Whether he liked it or not, Severus had been arrested and delivered to Azkaban.  The Council of Magical Law Enforcement would have to review the statement he had given at Hogwarts and determine whether he would be held further or released. 

He had been taken to a cold, filthy, dark stone cell.  It was smaller than even he expected.  All around him, he heard the screams and mutterings of the condemned.  Some of them were coherent enough to discuss what they had heard that night.  They knew that Peter Pettigrew was among them.  They had heard him being brought into a cell, screaming and whimpering.  Some of the inmates seemed just as thirsty for Pettigrew’s soul as the Dementors.  They could hardly wait for the kiss to be administered. 

Severus on the other hand had been quiet as he was led in.  Colin Murphy accompanied him to the cell, claiming to want verification of his location.  He had done the same for Pettigrew.  Severus had seen Colin walking by before coming to his cell.  The last words Colin said to him were, “We’ll get you out as fast as we can.  Keep thinking unhappy thoughts.”  

Unhappy thoughts.  My whole life has been one unhappy thought for the last twenty years.  Shall I just review each year in turn?  That should take up the whole seventy-two hours.  Severus stuck his hand in the pocket of his robes and pulled out the object Colin had handed him on the way out of his cell.  It was a Focus Stone; a small, flat stone that was typically used for meditation.  If the user concentrated hard enough, he could see the person or the object of his meditation reflected on the surface of the stone.  It could be used to empty the mind as well. 

So, he gave me a tool for channeling my misery.  These Americans try to think of everything.  Where do I begin?  He saw himself as a young man, standing before the master he had served.  It was the day the Dark Mark was burned into his arm.  He tried to clear his mind, but was not able to do so.  He saw flashes of the things he had done in Voldemort’s service. 

These were my own choices, my own deeds.  It is my own anguish.  I have no one to blame but myself.  Fool!  To what avail do you allow yourself to wallow in this pointless remorse?  What would she say if she heard you?  Just stop!  Through the bars of his cell, he saw two Dementors come closer. 

He got up and paced around in his cell, doing his best to clear his mind.  They cannot hurt me if they sense nothing.  He sat down and focused on the stone again until he fell asleep.  It was not a restful sleep.  He didn’t exactly dream.  Instead, he was painfully conscious of the horrible place he was in.  He woke with a start.

Alexandra, how can I drag you into this?  How can I be so selfish?  But she is already involved.  She would have been no matter what.  He clutched the stone in his hand again.  He tried to clear his mind.  The only bit of happiness I’ve had in so long.  He looked at the stone and saw her face.  He saw her beautiful, expressive eyes looking up at him.  The happiness he felt with her came back to him.  Then, he felt a chill.  As two Dementors came closer, the chill became more pronounced.  He didn’t know what happened, but he woke some hours later.  He wasn’t feeling joy, only an overwhelming sense of loss.  I won’t ever let that happen again.

Over the course of these three days, he fought an internal battle for emotional control.  At one point, he heard Pettigrew’s screams grow louder and then subside.  He knew that Pettigrew wouldn’t last very long.  His hearing was to be held soon.  I am certain that Fudge will not allow a public hearing.  I wonder how he will pull it off?

On the afternoon of the third day, his question was answered.  A group of Dementors had gathered around Pettigrew’s cell.  The sounds emanating from the cell were painful to hear.  Suddenly, it all stopped.  He’s been killed or taken away. 

Early the next morning, Severus was brought into a large stone courtroom.  One member of the Council of Magical Law Enforcement and Colin Murphy were present.  He was not read the charges against him.  He was simply told that he would be released.  There was something rushed in the Council member’s manner, as if he were anxious to get rid of him.  He was released to Colin Murphy.

Colin offered Severus a Portkey, his briefcase, to get him back to Hogwarts.  Just outside the school grounds, Colin took him aside to tell him what had happened.  “If it seemed to you like they wanted to get rid of you all of a sudden, it was because they did.  Fudge practically wet himself when I paid him a visit to tell him what had happened.  We worked out a deal to let you out, destroy your records, and modify a few memories in exchange for a complete lie about the way Pettigrew was trapped, supported by documentation from us.  The deal, of course, included a complete pardon and apology to Sirius Black.  The Daily Prophet will report that Pettigrew was in the U.S. for the last fourteen years, and that we found him and brought him here.  There will be no report of an attempt to kidnap Alexandra.” 

“I heard something happen to Pettigrew,” said Severus.

“Yes, the Dementors were permitted to administer the kiss.  He’s not dead, but he might as well be.”  Colin looked him in the eye and said, “All in all, things are looking up.  Fudge at least seems to have registered the possibility that Voldemort is back.  He’s not going to make this easy for us, though.”

“I’m sure something can be done,” he said, a grim smile on his face.  “Thank you for getting me out of there.”  He shook Colin’s hand.

Severus returned to the castle.  No one saw him enter, and he went straight to his rooms to try to scrub off the dirt and despair of Azkaban.  It was time for him to act on the feelings he had explored in that cell.  He had been stripped of his happiness in a sense, but he was resolved that it would not happen again.  His behavior from that point on was driven by this resolve.   

He had previously thought that the decision to become a spy for Dumbledore had been the most significant action he had ever taken.  Today, though, he was going to fully open his heart to Alexandra.  It remained to be seen which would have the longest-lasting and most dramatic effect.  I know she loves me, but will she have me forever?

After he dressed, he took a small mahogany chest out of the bottom of his wardrobe.  Inside the chest was a green velvet ring box.  He opened the box to look at the ring his mother had worn.  It was a large and beautiful emerald.  A gold light seemed to shimmer from the center.  The emerald was flanked by two large diamonds.  This ring had been in his family for at least five generations.  His mother had given it to him before she died.  She had always hoped that he would give it to his own wife.

He looked at himself in the mirror and for a change, was pleased with what he saw.  He did look a bit tired, but otherwise, dare he even think it, he looked content, if not handsome.  He pulled his hair back just as she liked it, leaving one strand to hang in front because she seemed to like to play with his hair and he certainly didn’t mind.

Severus put the ring in his pocket and walked to her office.  I do hope she’s alone, he thought. 

Alex wasn’t there, so he thought he would try the staff lounge.  Just outside the door, he heard bits and pieces of conversations, as if there were quite a few people in the room.  He opened the door.  Damn!  What’s Black doing here and why is Lupin here too?  What the hell is everyone doing in here now?

Alexandra was standing by the window with her back to the door.  She was looking out.  He swept past everyone else and touched her shoulder.  She turned around and he could see that she had been crying.  Her face lit up as soon as she saw him.  She clasped his hands in hers and said, “Severus.  I thought you’d never come back.  I’ve missed you so much.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Severus saw Black give Lupin an evil little grin.  “Remus, did you just hear that little speech?”

“Yes, I did and I thought it was rather sweet, Sirius.”

“Sweet?  I think I’m going to be sick,” said Sirius.

Alexandra turned and flashed them a look.  “If you two apes don’t keep quiet, I’ll blast you both back to the jungle.”

I’ve got to get her alone.  “Alexandra, come with me for a moment.”  The others watched as Severus led her out the door.  He took her into an empty classroom just across the hall.  He led her to the teacher’s desk at the front of the room and gently sat her down. Removing the small green velvet box from his pocket, Severus opened it and pulled the ring out.  Alex had a stunned look on her face as she watched him pick up her left hand and put the ring on her finger.

“Lexy, this is how it should have been years ago.  This is how I want it to be now.  Marry me.  ”  Snape began kissing her urgently, holding her so tightly that she was lifted off the desk.  “Marry me,” he whispered, as he buried his face into her hair.

Alex gasped and pulled away, looking very surprised.  She looked at him as if trying to gauge whether he was serious or not.  Severus Snape act like this?  She looked down at the ring on her hand, and then a little smile crept over the corners of her mouth. 

“Professor, control yourself,” Alex said, with an amused look on her face.  “Most of the faculty is across the hall.  Given our history, they could be right outside the door listening, or worse.”

“You haven’t answered me yet.  Will you or won’t you?”  He asked.

“Will I what, Severus?  Will I kiss you again?  I’d love to.”  She kissed him once more.

“Stop teasing, Alexandra Lennox.  You don’t know what I’ve just been through. Do you expect me to kneel and ask you?”  He asked in a slightly irritated tone.

“No, none of that!  Ask me as an equal.  I don’t belong on a pedestal.  But I should think that the most demanding, most exacting, and most precise faculty member at Hogwarts could come up with a marriage proposal that doesn’t sound like a command from my FBM section head.”  She’s clearly enjoying this.  I suppose I deserve it for driving her away in the first place.  She didn’t take the ring off and throw it at me. That’s a good sign.

“Very well.”  He took her hand and looked her in the eyes.  “Alexandra, I have spent years denying reality and it’s time to stop.  I love you, and I know that I must share my life with you, no matter what the future holds.”  He stopped and caught his breath.  He looked directly into her eyes, squeezed her hand, and said,  “Alexandra, will you marry me?”

“You bet I will,” she said and pulled him to her.  She began by kissing him ever so gently, and then she let her desire for him come through.  When they broke apart, Alex was breathless.  “You know, we really should do something with all this passion soon before we spontaneously combust.”

“I see what you mean, my dear, but I’ve never thought that a desk would be all that comfortable.”

Alex laughed.  “You are full of surprises, Professor.  That must be why I love you so much.”

“Really?  I thought it was my hair.”  She kissed him again, and began twirling the loose stand of his hair.  She undid the rest of his hair and ran her fingers through it.  She stopped and looked at him, those expressive eyes of hers saying so much.  She whispered, “I love you.”  They kissed several times, each kiss a bit longer and more urgent than the last. 

“You’re right,” she said at last, smoothing his hair down so it wouldn’t look quite so wild.  “We’d better go and tell everyone before the suspense kills them and before that desk becomes a little too inviting.”  She led him out of the classroom and across the hall. 

***********

Curious looks greeted them as they walked back into the staff lounge.  Alexandra held her hand out to show Minerva McGonagall her ring. 

“Alexandra, I’m happy for you both, but it is about time,” said Minerva, her eyes brighter than usual.  Alex looked around the room at the rest of the astonished faculty.  She heard Professor Dumbledore clear his throat and say, “I think we should leave them alone now to work out the details.  Come see me when you are both ready to discuss your future.”

“Pay up, Padfoot,” said Remus Lupin holding out his hand.  She saw Sirius make a face and take a coin out of his pocket.  He shoved the coin into Lupin’s hand.  “Well. Sirius, Azkaban certainly had a dramatic effect on him.”

“I don’t think it’s Azkaban, but I’ll be damned if I understand it!”  Sirius replied.

Once everyone had left, Alex buried her head in his shoulder and cried a little.  “Sorry, Sev.  I haven’t slept well in three days and it’s all a bit too much.”

“Lexy, it may well be even more difficult now.  You know what will happen eventually.”

“I know, Severus,” she said stroking his cheek.  “I knew it might be this way.  We can handle it.  I love you so much.” 

He led her to a seat in front of the fire.  He kissed her again and then began to nibble at the back of her neck.  “Alexandra, I don't think we should wait too long to get married, what do you think?” He asked in a throaty voice.

Like I can think right now?  I can barely sit up.  “Oh, I think the sooner the better.”

“We should go and speak to Dumbledore.  I’m afraid everyone will think we’re . . . well, I don’t want to give Black and Lupin anything to speculate about.”

“You’re right, Sev.  Do you mind if we stop at my room so I can pull myself back together.  I’d probably scare the white out of a ghost right now.”

“You’re as captivating as ever, Lexy, but I’ll go wherever you take me.”

“Whipped so soon?  That won’t do.”  She smiled at the quizzical look on his face.  “Whipped means hen-pecked, dear.”  Then she shook her head and said. “I’m going to have to teach you some English one of these days.” 

They left the staff room and went straight to her rooms.  Alex washed her face and used her wand to take away the swelling around her eyes and re-apply her make-up.  She had to fix her hair a little too.  Ten years of chasing down criminals, dueling Dark wizards, getting shot at by Muggles, and dealing with werewolves, and all it takes is one marriage proposal for me to fall apart.  Next, I’ll be crocheting baby shoes. 

Afterward, they went to Dumbledore’s office, but he wasn’t there.  Instead, they were greeted by Remus and Sirius. 

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“This is going to sound a bit odd coming from me,” said Sirius holding his hand out to Severus, “But, I do hope you’re both very happy and I thank you both for everything you’ve done for me.”    

Severus thought back to the last time they shook hands, just four short months earlier.  He hesitated slightly, but took Black’s hand, saying nothing.  

“Severus, Alexandra,” said Lupin,  “Congratulations.  This is a wonderful day for us all.”  He shook hands with Severus and gave Alexandra a small kiss on the cheek.

Just then the door opened and Professor Dumbledore came in with Potter, Weasley, and Granger.  I shall have to spend a lot of time with Potter now, I suppose. My whole image is going to go down the drain.

“Ah, there they are now.  Severus, Alexandra, may I kiss the bride to be?”  Dumbledore beamed at them. 

“Of course, Professor,” said Alex.  After Dumbledore kissed her on the cheek, he saw Harry hugging her.  This is probably very hard on the boy.

Much to Snape’s surprise, Hermione walked up to him, shook his hand and said, “We’re so glad you’re back, Professor Snape.  That was quite an ordeal you had to go through.  I’m really happy for you and Alex.”

“Thank you, Miss Granger,” he said.  I don’t deserve this after the way I’ve treated her.

Ron muttered his congratulations as well.  I see Weasley looks a little green around the gills.  I can’t expect him to accept me all at once.  Just then, Harry turned around and walked over to Snape.  “Thank you, Professor Snape for helping free Sirius.  I hope you and Alex will be very happy together.”  Snape took Harry aside.

“Potter, I should have said this before now.  That night when I found you in the Shrieking Shack, I should have  . . . I should have listened to you.  I should have believed you.  I feel that his return falls on my shoulders.  I was the arrogant one that night.”

He could see that Harry was quite surprised by this admission.  “Professor, none of us could have known for sure that Voldemort would come back and if you look at it that way, I was just as responsible because I didn’t let Sirius and Professor Lupin kill Peter when they had the chance.  No, Professor Dumbledore said something to me that next morning that made sense.  He said that the consequences of our actions are so complicated that we can never really know what will happen next.  If things had been different, Alex might not have come here.”

A small smile came over Snape’s face.  “My silver lining or yours?”  He said, studying the boy’s face.  “Yes, well, don’t think I’ll be any softer on you in class, Potter, because my intended is your godmother.”

“No, Professor, I wouldn’t expect that,” said Harry.

Everyone stood around talking for a while.  Snape noticed that Ron Weasley was talking rather seriously to Miss Granger.  Am I seeing things or does he seem to care for Miss Granger?  I shall have to ask Alexandra.  Perhaps I’m projecting my own feelings.  What a strange thing to think. I never would have pictured myself in this position a few months ago.  Merlin help me.

Dumbledore announced that it was time for lunch.  To Severus and Alexandra that meant facing a lot of attention at the head table and making the announcement to the Slytherins.  We shall see what they make of this, thought Severus.

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It was about about 9:00 a.m. in Washington, where Michael Lennox sat in his office looking out the window at the Potomac River.  He was reading the latest intelligence reports on domestic Dark activity and drinking some coffee.  The Hogwarts line rang and he picked it up.  “Michael, it’s me,” he heard Alex on the other end.

“Lex, is everything all right?  I got Murphy’s report.  It seems like it all went OK.”

“Everything’s fine.  I’ve got to talk to you about something really important.  Are you sitting down?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“I’m engaged to Severus Snape.  We’re getting married soon.”

Michael had an idea that something was going on between the two of them, but he hadn’t expected this.  He turned his chair abruptly, spilling the coffee he was holding in his hand.  “You’re serious, right?  I mean this isn’t one of your jokes, is it?”

“Yes, Michael, I’m serious.  He just asked me today.  Be happy for me, Michael.  I really love him.”

She always did, he thought.  “I’ve heard nothing but good things about him from the London crew.  Congratulations, Lex, I’m very happy for you.”

“Do you think you can come to the wedding?” she asked.

“Of course.  I wouldn’t miss giving you away for anything.”

“I know it will be a security nightmare, but Professor Dumbledore has suggested that we have the wedding at the castle during the Christmas holidays so that there won’t be too many students around.”

“Sounds good.  I think it will be best if you and Severus stick as close to Hogwarts as possible.”

“That’s what Dumbledore said.  What’s going on?”

“Nothing for you to worry about now.  Get your wedding together.  You deserve to enjoy yourselves,” he said.  Then, his face fell a little, as he realized that he wouldn’t be seeing much of her now.  “When can we expect you to visit?”

“I knew you’d start with that right away.  We’ll be there for a visit this summer, if it’s safe.  I want to arrive in time for the Fourth of July.  Funny thing, they don’t seem to celebrate that holiday here.”

“I’ll bet they don’t.  Listen, I’ve got a meeting I have to get ready for.  I’ll check back with you in a day or so.  You’ll be writing Christina, won’t you?”

“I’m sure Remus has beaten me to it, but yes, I’ll be sure to tell her right away.”

“Good.  Once you get the plans down, Jeffreys will take care of the arrangements.  I’ll be springing for the whole thing, of course.”

“You don’t have to do that, Michael.  We can take care of it.”

“Mother left me with explicit instructions that I should take care of both weddings.” 

“All right.  I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Take care of yourselves, Lex.  Oh, and by the way, let me give you the benefit of my experience.  Being married is great, but being engaged really bites.  Don’t be surprised if there isn’t some tension between you until the wedding.”

“Wow!  I don’t like the sound of that.  I’ll try and be patient.  See you, Bro.”

Michael’s Chief of Staff, Roland Jeffreys was standing by.  “You’ll be wanting me to line up the security for the wedding.”

“Yeah.  Sorry, Roland.  I’m a bit stunned.  You know what this means, don’t you?”

“The rift between Godric and Salazar can be sealed by the union of the scarlet and the green.  The child of this union will bring forth peace between the houses that for one thousand years has not been seen.  Or at least that’s what I’ve heard, anyway.”

“Why Alex?” said Michael.  “You know that after this joint strike we’ve planned with the information from Pettigrew, things are going to get bad.”

“First, Dumbledore won’t let any harm come to her, Michael.  Second, Lord Voldemort may well be on the ropes after this.”

“Let’s hope so.  I’m not just worried about her.  What about Snape?  If she loses him, it will kill her.”

“Michael, they both know the danger they are in.  They clearly want to share their lives in spite of it.  I admire them.  Besides, the Seer has said that he won’t win, even if the fight is long and hard.”

Well, old friend, I guess I have to face the fact that she won’t be our little Lexy anymore.”

“She’ll be all right.  She hasn’t been our little Lexy for years.  Let’s get you ready for your meeting.”

Michael sighed as he took up the burdens of his office.  In his mind he saw the little girl who went to Hogwarts and met the boy who would grow up to change her life forever.