| No Clue Chapter Five: Someone To Watch Over Me This chapter is dedicated to my son. Alexandra trudged up the stairs with so many thoughts swirling in her mind. Was it wrong of me to love him? Did I do the right thing by marrying him? Flashes of their thirteen years of marriage came to her; the shy, tentative way he dealt with her when they were first married; the look on his face when he saw her in Voldemort's stone room; how he had treated her after her sister and friend had died; their first real vacation together in Colorado. Warm feelings washed over her as she thought of the sweet things he had said when they walked alone on the beach in Kauai on another vacation. My Lily -If it hadn't been for that vacation you wouldn't be here . . . She looked at their family picture hanging at the top of the stairs. He's tried so hard to make me happy—even if he wasn't always sensitive, or perfect with the boys. She thought of the support he gave her the day Gareth was born, how he had walked the floor with Colin every night while he was colicky, and how his heart had been snagged by Lily. She knocked on the door of Gareth's room. "Who is it?" "It's me, Gareth. May I come in?" she asked. "All right," he said. He was sitting at his desk playing with a small potions kit, which had belonged to Severus when he was a child. His eyes were red, as if he had been crying recently. She put her arm around him and held him close. She didn't let go, even though he stiffened a little. He couldn't be more like his father! "Gareth, I'm so sorry. I know this was very hard for you to hear." She smoothed his hair and lay her cheek on top of his head. Then, she let him go and sat on the bed, beckoning him to sit next to her. He sat next to her with his head down for a minute, then looked up at her with glistening dark eyes. His eyes. "Mum, . . . I don't believe it. He couldn't have done it unless the person deserved it. That person must have been a bad wizard. He must have deserved it" "Sweetheart, I know it's hard to accept that he could have been anything other than what he is now, a brave and honorable man and good father. But, he had to tell you. He loves you so much, that he would rather have you hate him in the short-term than have you go down the same path he did." "I know," he said looking guilty. "I'm afraid, Mum. What if someone finds out and they take him to Azkaban." Gareth looked at her, his intense eyes moist with tears. He was trying so hard to take it all in. "You don't have to be afraid, Gareth. For one thing, he was cleared by the Ministry a long time ago. Dumbledore helped him. I think the Ministry was willing to give him a second chance because he placed himself in so much danger when he became a spy. He was always at risk as long as Voldemort was alive. Back at the height of his power, when James and Lily Potter were targeted, it was your father who told Dumbledore and also let Dumbledore know that someone close to the Potters was giving information to the Dark Lord. Let's just say that your father was trying so hard to make up for what he had done, that he exposed himself to great risk. And you know the rest of the story of how we defeated Voldemort. Your father was a big part of that." She got up and picked up a picture of Severus and Gareth that she had taken while in Maine. They looked so content, even as they sat on the unfamiliar rocky beach. They were a team. She sat back down and handed him the picture. "When I was young, my sister told me repeatedly that I was blind when it came to your father. She was right in a way, but Gareth, I was right too. The whole time I knew your father at school, I knew that there was the potential for him to be a good person. I knew his father had made him do some bad things and I knew his father punished him harshly, but I saw your father perform little noble acts, little things that let me know he had a good heart under all the bitterness. He was a good friend to me, you know. I don't like what he did. I tried to dissuade him from getting involved with the Death Eaters back then, but who is to say that he can't be forgiven now?" Gareth looked up at her, his eyes full of a cross between hurt and hope. Alex continued, "I've forgiven him because he turned his life around and he's been a good husband. He's struggled to be a good father, even though his own parents never gave him any love. He's not perfect, but I'm not either. Maybe he's right. Maybe he has to wait for the next world to be forgiven by the ones he hurt, but he saved more people than he hurt and he would do anything for you and Colin and Lily. I'm sorry, Gareth, that you had to find out that your parents aren't perfect, that they have their weaknesses. But, if he's my weakness, then I'm very lucky. I love him and he loves me and we both love you so much." Alex put her arm around her son. "I would be proud, Gareth, if you grew up to be like him." Gareth lay his head on her shoulder and she drew him to her. For a few moments, they simply held each other. "Gareth, honey, wash your face and get ready for bed. You can talk to your father tomorrow. I know this is hard to understand and you might not understand it right away, but I hope you will someday." "All right, Mum, I'll try. I want to." "Good night, dear." Alex kissed him on the forehead and left. *** The next day, Alexandra, Colin, and Lily left to visit Harry and Ginny. Gareth didn't feel like going. Instead he stayed in his room, playing with his dad's old potions kit, which didn't present much of a challenge to him, and brooding. Downstairs, Severus was no better. He stayed in his study, pacing around the room and trying to read. He successfully avoided contact with Gareth most of the day, but finally called him into the study late in the afternoon. "Gareth, I know that I gave you a lot of information yesterday. I wanted to be sure that you had the chance to talk to me about our discussion, to clear the air, and allow me to answer any questions you might have." Severus began to pace in front of the boy, nervously twisting his hands together. "There is something I want to ask you first, though." Gareth looked up at him with piercing dark eyes, which were as disconcerting as his own. "I don't hate you, Father. I just don't understand. I don't know how you could have done bad things when I know you so well and I've never seen you do anything bad." "Gareth, I didn't grow up the way you did. Don't misunderstand me, son. I have no excuse for my choices, but I have an explanation. In my family, Dark Magic was looked at as a mere tool -the means to an end, if you will. It's not so much that my father set out to be evil, it's just that he believed in getting what he wanted under any circumstances. Once my mother died, there was nothing to hold him back and he simply used whatever means he could to achieve his purposes in business and in society. Then, I met your mother in school, and though she was younger and full of mischief, she treated me fairly and there were things she simply wouldn't do because they were wrong. When I left school, I knew I wanted to make her my wife someday, but she was too young for me to ask, and I was afraid to involve her in the mess I was in. Even then, I knew it was a mess. I let it happen, Gareth, knowing that it was wrong." Gareth seemed to want to ask him a question, but was hesitating. "Son, whatever question you have, I'll do my best to answer it honestly." Gareth took a deep breath. He looked up at Severus. "Father, I'm afraid. I . . .I wonder, Father, how do you know it won't happen again? How do you know you wouldn't go back?" Severus was surprised. He had expected Gareth to be afraid of his own weakness, not of any threat that he would once again rely on Dark Magic. He smiled at his boy. "That's simple, Gareth. When Voldemort had disappeared after the Potters' deaths, I wondered what would happen if he came back and I was summoned. I knew my duty and I was reasonably certain that I would never again be tempted. My decision was made easier because I led a very rigid life of teaching and enforcing rules for the students. And, I had Dumbledore there to gently guide me the right way. When your mother came to Hogwarts and I realized that I still loved her, I felt even more strongly that I would never be tempted to take the wrong path again. After Voldemort was defeated, that feeling of security increased. We started our life together in earnest, and then we found ourselves waiting for you to arrive. But Gareth, when you were born, I really knew I would never feel drawn to that kind of life again. You were the reason all my doubts went away. After that, my fears were no different from those of any other parent - could I be a good enough father?" Gareth shyly put his arms around him and gave him a quick hug. Severus returned the embrace. "You're a great father," he said in a small voice. For an hour, they talked about many things. Gareth wanted to hear about Hogwarts from his father. Severus told him many stories about his days as a student, some of them involving Alexandra. They both concluded that Colin was a lot like her. Severus had one more message to impart to his son. He told him that as a future Potions Master, he would have many responsibilities and temptations. "Be sure, son, that you do not use your talent for ill. I was not careful. I should have known better, but there will be strong temptations." Gareth spoke earnestly of his hope to be as good as Potions brewer as Severus and that he would not use his talent in the wrong way. "Besides, if I ever did anything wrong, Mum would kill me!" There was a knock at the door. "Come in," Severus responded. His hand rested on Gareth's shoulder. "I just came to let you know that dinner will be ready in about five minutes. Gareth, will you-" "I know, Mum, please wash my hands," Gareth interrupted his mother. She smiled and cocked her head slightly as she looked at each of them in turn. She turned and left without asking anything. "Gareth, I know I don't need to tell you this, but will you refrain from telling Colin any of the things we've discussed? I don't want him to know quite yet." "All right," Gareth said as he walked over to the other end of the study to use the small sink in the lab. He came back and looked up at his father with a knowing smile. "I think you're right, Father. I think Colin isn't ready for this yet." Severus nodded, trying hard not to smile at the solemn tone of his son's voice. Was I really ever like that? He wondered, extinguishing the light in the study and following Gareth out of the room. *** The following week, there would be three major events before Gareth would leave for school. First, he and his father would go to Diagon Alley on their own to buy his school supplies. Next, his parents were giving a little going away dinner for he and Viviana Lupin. Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny would be there, as well as Viviana's parents and Uncle Sirius and Aunt Anna. Then, his mother planned to take him to London to board the Hogwarts Express. She said she thought he ought to have the same experience that everyone else had and arrive just like the other first years, so it wouldn't look like he got special treatment. "Besides, Gareth, then you can sit with Viviana so she won't be all alone. Laura and Viviana will be going with us to London too." He didn't know why his mother's comment about Viviana had annoyed him, but it did. There had been one very interesting development right before the start of school. Professor Merriweather had been offered a post in the Ministry that he really couldn't refuse to take, so he resigned from Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall had written to Remus Lupin immediately to offer him his old post as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, so Viviana would have her father teaching at the school too. Having his father and Uncle Remus there was almost like being at home. Gareth and Severus returned from Diagon Alley as close to giddy as Alexandra had ever seen either of them. "Mum, you should have seen me trying those wands at Ollivanders. I actually could have used a couple of them, but the best was an eleven inch mahogany with a phoenix feather as the core, very much like Father's." "That sounds wonderful. I wouldn't want to have to control someone else's wand. I once picked up your father's wand by accident and nearly blew out a window in the castle." Alex looked at her son's excited face. My baby's grown up. I can't stand it! He continued his story, waving his arms about excitedly. "Viviana was there too and she got a really nice wand with a unicorn tail hair in it. She shot a big rainbow of sparks out of hers. And you know what, she wasn't a bit afraid of Mr. Ollivander, like the rest of the children in the shop were." "Yes, she's quite an interesting child, that one. I look forward to having her in my class," Severus remarked. Gareth showed her the rest of his purchases. Lily, who had awakened from her nap, was crawling around trying to grab all of the empty package wrappings. Even Colin came in to take a couple of pictures of his older brother in his Hogwarts robes and look admiringly at all his supplies. Alexandra could see the pride in her husband's eyes. As they went in to dinner, she squeezed his hand. "I don't know if I'm ready for this, Severus. I'm really glad you'll be there to look after him." "Well, you've got the others to occupy you," he said, holding Lily as she patted his face. "And, my dear, I will do my best to be unobtrusive. I don't want to smother the boy. He must learn to do things on his own." "I know you're right," she said, taking Lily and placing her in the high chair. "It just happened so quickly." Severus nodded and the boys rolled their eyes. *** The night of the dinner party arrived. Severus was never thrilled to have a large group for dinner, especially a large group that included Sirius Black, but on this occasion he was happy to oblige Alexandra. After all, as a teacher, he had seen scores of children come and go, but it was not every day that his own child went to Hogwarts! Harry and Ginny arrived first. Alexandra greeted them holding Lily in her arms. Lily looked like a little angel in a smocked dress. Ginny immediately grabbed Lily from Alexandra and began to play with her. The fact that she was expecting a child was very apparent. Sirius and Anna arrived next. Like Ginny, Anna looked as if she were ready to explode. Laura, Remus, and Viviana were the last to arrive. Everyone milled around having drinks while the children played a game of Exploding Snap! in the playroom. Alexandra was talking with Ginny, Sirius, and Anna about the inevitable changes in a marriage after the birth of a child. Sirius had never seemed to outgrow his compulsion to tease Alex. "Well, having children hasn't seemed to quell your ardor any." "Excuse me?" Alex replied as Anna gave him a warning look. "Well, it can't have since you have three. That means the first didn't spoil things, or is it just those trips to the U.S.?" "Why, do you think you might need a holiday, Sirius?" Alex winked at Anna. "All right, I'll let it go. I'm still in awe over this marriage of yours, Alexandra. I mean it's easy to see why mine is a success, but I can't figure yours out at all." "Sirius, I think that's enough. Go and get me a glass of sparkling water, please." Anna pointed at the table. "I'm at your service, my angel." Alex and Ginny giggled. Boy is he ever whipped! Alex thought. I'll have to save that one for my Severus to enjoy! After he had wandered off, Alex looked at Ginny and Anna. "You know, you might think that your relationship will be strained, and I'm not saying you won't be tired, but I must say that Severus has never looked as attractive to me as he did the other day when he was covered in baby food. I mean he's not exactly your dad, Ginny, but even I've been surprised by his parenting skills." Ginny laughed. "Harry certainly has been, but I always thought Severus had it in him. We were still in school when Gareth was born and we saw Severus afterward. I'd never seen him so in awe of anything before." "We'll soon find out how Sirius and Harry are with their children," Anna said looking over at the men, as Sirius returned with her drink. "I'll leave you in your husband's able hands, Anna, while I go and check on dinner." Alex walked out of the room, but not before she cast a glance at her husband who was talking with Harry and Remus. What would Harry have thought if I had told him that he would be having dinner with Severus Snape on a regular basis? What would Severus have thought? If only I had a Time Turner, I'd go back and torture Severus! Dinner was ready shortly and everyone went to the dining room. Alexandra and Severus glanced at each other as they watched Gareth pull Viviana's chair out for her. Severus looked over at Laura and she smiled. The table for ten was full, considering that Lily's high chair was at their end. Alexandra looked around the table and got up. "I think tonight we should have a couple of special toasts. First, I'd like to raise my glass to the newest member of the Hogwarts faculty. Here's to a great year, Professor Lupin." Everyone raised their glasses in salute. Then Severus got up. "This school year marks the beginning of the Hogwarts careers of two very able students at this table. I give you Viviana and Gareth. May you have the same great learning experience we had when we were there." "Without the pranks we pulled!" said Sirius and Remus in unison. "And the rule-breaking we pulled!" Ginny and Harry said in unison. Everyone seconded the toast and they began their meal. The adults had a quiet conversation, but glanced occasionally at the children, who seemed to be talking very animatedly. As they got louder, the adults stopped to listen. "You really need to see my new toad, Viviana, he's enormous," said Colin, using his hands to illustrate the girth of his pet. "Toad? She doesn't like toads, Colin," Gareth admonished. "Of course I do, Gareth. I have one myself, but since I heard that toads aren't in fashion at Hogwarts, Mum is going to take care of him for me while I'm at school." "Fat lot you know," Colin said looking at his brother with a triumphant look on his face. "Oh, Viviana," Gareth began in an offhand tone, "Father said that the potion we've been working on together is almost ready. We ought to go and check it tonight." Gareth gave Colin a warning glance. "You can't go in there right now without Father," Colin hissed. "Gentlemen," Severus spoke up. "I will take all of you to look at the potion after dinner, if you conduct yourselves properly." He looked at Alexandra who raised an eyebrow and smiled. Sirius, who was sitting on the same side of the table as Severus, couldn't let the opportunity to be annoying pass. "So, Severus, your sons seem to be fighting over Remus' daughter. I wonder what the future holds for them?" "Don't be ridiculous. You might as well be trying to match up your unborn son with Lily." "Ah, there's an idea. Perhaps we ought to start negotiating the dowry now?" Alexandra looked over as Remus began to cough. "Who'd like to have dessert in the garden? I think it's still warm enough," Alex jumped in quickly. The adults and children went out into the garden. Alexandra had set up rows of fairy lights to illuminate their way. An assortment of benches and chairs were waiting to be occupied by the guests, amidst the big pots of exotic flowers. Alexandra had made large decorated biscuits in the shapes of the crests of each of the four Hogwarts Houses, as well as a beautiful trifle. She also had fruit and cheese on a large tray. When dessert was eaten, Severus took the children to the lab and then Viviana and Gareth followed Colin to his room to look at his pet. Lily had been allowed to stay up past her bedtime, but Winky finally pried her away from Laura and Ginny. The adults went back to the sitting room and talked late into the night, when it finally became apparent that the pregnant women needed to rest. Alexandra snuggled up to her husband in bed as he read a magazine a little while later. Everyone had left and he was recovering from the effort of so much socializing. "Time to dissect the party, dear," she whispered in his ear and then nibbled on his earlobe. "What are you up to, Mrs. Snape? Are you certain you want to talk?" "I'm weighing the alternatives," she said returning to kissing down his neck. "Really, Alexandra, one of these days I'm going to drop dead of exhaustion," Severus said, putting down his magazine and pulling away a little to look at her. "Well, I'll be sure you die with a big smile on your face. If nothing else, it will irritate Sirius Black to no end when he sees you at your funeral." He laughed a bit. It was good to laugh after everything he had been through recently. "If you put it that way, I suggest we talk tomorrow," he said, extinguishing the lights and settling back to kiss his wife again. It was good to kiss her too. *** It was August thirty-first. Alexandra had driven a borrowed FBM car to London. She and Laura Lupin had decided to take the children to London and have a last night out with them. Severus and Remus stayed home to prepare for school. Alex and Gareth had just come back to their room at the Leaky Cauldron and were getting ready for bed. "Are you sure you have everything in your trunk, Gareth?" "Yes, Mum. We checked it yesterday." "And you have enough food for your cat? I'm glad we found him today. I think you'll like having a pet." Almost on cue, Gareth's ugly balding tabby with huge ears gave a loud meow and jumped up on the cot where Gareth was going to sleep. "Yes, Mum, we bought food." "Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but get some sleep. I've been a little tired lately myself." Gareth was about to climb into the cot when she grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. "Sweetheart," she said, her voice shaking a little. "I'm really going to miss you. I know you'll be nearby, but it won't be the same without you there to talk to and to watch out for Colin and Lily." "Oh, Mum!" he groaned, but she could almost detect a little smile. "I can't help it, I'm your mother and I'm very proud of you. I just thought I'd better say all the sentimental things tonight, so I won't lose control at the train station tomorrow." "Very well, then," he said, "I'll tell you the same thing. I'm going to miss you too, but I'll be seeing Father and he can tell me what's going on at home. You can send me owls. Colin already said he would." "You two are doing better then?" "I think so, Mum. I think he's not too mad at me anymore." Alex smiled and smoothed his hair. "All right then, let's go to sleep so we can get up early and meet the Lupins downstairs for breakfast. Good night, Gareth," she said kissing him on the forehead. "Good night, Mum." Severus came home late the next night, after the welcoming feast. Alexandra was waiting for him in the study. He greeted her with a small kiss and sat next to her. "Well, how did the students look?" she asked on the edge of her seat. "Like the usual crop of nervous children. You should have seen Gareth. He was quite composed compared to the rest." She smiled at him. I've got every right to be proud of that boy as long as I keep it between us, he thought. Alexandra sighed. "Well, are you going to tell me or not?" I'll make her wait for a bit. "I must say, it was quite an experience calling my own child forward to be Sorted." "Get used to it. You'll have to do it again several more times. But, Severus, isn't there something you're forgetting to tell me?" "What do you mean 'several more times'? It's only two more. That's a couple, not several," he said raising an eyebrow. "Yes, I know that." "Well you said several. Would you care to explain yourself?" "I wouldn't, at least not until you tell me about Gareth." He stood up suddenly, as if hit by a bolt of lightning. "You're not saying that you're . . ." "I told you I'm not saying anything until you tell me what House my son was Sorted into." "Very well, my dear," he began with a slight smile at the corner of his mouth, "would you care to guess?" "Severus, unless you want to sleep outside in the garden tonight, you'd better tell me where my baby was Sorted!" She raised her voice impatiently. "He's a Slytherin, of course," he answered quickly. "Now, I believe you have something to explain." Alexandra smiled at him. "Let's just say that you'll have to go through this four more times." "Four more times," he said in a whisper. "Twins? Twins! I don't believe it." "Boys, Severus. Two more boys. I went in today because I'd been feeling so tired." "Great bloody Merlin, Alexandra, you've single-handedly established a dynasty," he said taking her hand and kissing it, complete astonishment written on his face. "Oh, no, this wasn't my doing alone. When you have two of them screaming at you at once in the middle of the night, don't blame me." "Well, twins run in your family, my dear. Are you feeling all right? I mean Lily is only eight months old." "I'm fine. I don't even feel sick yet. Maybe I'll manage to dodge that curse this time." "Well, it looks like we're going to have to stop taking holidays in the United States!" he exclaimed and then he sat next to her and put his arm around her. "You're not sorry they're boys, are you?" "Of course not, Sev. We'll have lots of fun and Lily's high-spirited enough to handle them too, I think." "I have two suggestions. First, I want you to hire more help before they're born. Second, we need to get to bed early because soon we won't be sleeping much." Alexandra put a hand on his arm. "Tell me, Severus, did he really look composed? Did the Hat fall over his eyes like it did mine? I wish I could have been there." "Yes to both. He was quite calm. The Hat took its time selecting, though. We'll have to ask him about it. I'm sure he'll tell you everything when he comes to visit you." "I've sent an owl to him to tell him about the babies. He'll get it in the morning at breakfast, so you might want to leave early in case he has any questions." "I wonder what he'll think now that we've had that other 'talk' with him?" "He'll think what he's always thought, I hope-that we love each other." She pulled him close for a kiss. When they broke apart, he looked down at her and muttered, "Twins!" A/N: The title of this chapter is taken from the song by George and Ira Gershwin. Thanks to Christina Teresa for all her feedback and for whipping this chapter into shape. Thanks also to Juliane and Catherine for encouraging me. Catherine, you'll see something familiar in this chapter. |